This is Art Price, Jr. He is a 40 year old man from Bellevue, Ohio, caught in the act, having sex with a picnic table.

What's more is that he was being filmed and this was not his first time to make love with his picnic table, he was seen doing it four other times by his neighbor between 10:30am and Noon.

Sometimes picnic tables don't listen, so he had to grab the round metal table, tilt it on it's side and go to town on the umbrella hole in the center. Hold up, I'm hearing Rihanna! Ella, ella, ella, hey, eh, eh? The umbrella hole? Say what?

I know men love their grills, but what'd the patio table do to catch his eye?

Unfortunately for Art Price Jr., sexing your picnic table is considered a felony since it took place in close proximity to a school.

Police Captain Matt Johnson said "The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table."

Price is married and has three school-aged children. He was released on a $20,000 bond.

As for his release, a neighbor, Brice Jacobs, said "He shouldn't be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again, and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance."

Art Price Sr. must be very proud.

2 comments

  1. Anonymous // April 1, 2008 at 8:01 PM  

    How do you think his wife felt!
    "Why would he not want me? I'm a beautiful wood table, freshly varnished, not tarnished.. not stained!"
    I guess he just didn't want to go "against the grain"...and prefered that cold, "steel hearted metal witch". Right in my own backyard! I hope she rusts.

  2. Anonymous // April 1, 2008 at 8:39 PM  

    Wow...I feel so much better after reading this. I've carried the guilt of abusing a cantelope ever since 1992. Thank you so much dude.